Isn’t amazing how people think that once you have beaten cancer that you are done with it? They need to realize that it is never over. We feel the aftereffects for years. The physical and mental scars are still there. Some may be invisible to your friends, but survivors struggle every day with them. I put on a good face for all, but behind the smile, the humor and the laughter is a guy who is still hurting. I put on a brave face every morning, and leave my apartment to conquer the world! I only once thought of suicide, but I do understand why others do: They want the pain to end. I came close in December 2015, but that was due to the meds the doctor had me taking. It was one of the darkest moments in my life. The AR-15 on the glass coffee table and one bullet next to it. I stared at them for a long time, struggling with my demons. Then a voice came and said, “ENOUGH! YOU LOVE LIFE. THIS ISN’T YOU.” I threw out the medicine and put the assault rifle away. I finally got rid of the weapon a few months ago, but kept the bullet as a reminder.