White Lies, Rainbows and Puppies: Sometimes We Just Need a Good Cry

White Lies, Rainbows and Puppies: Sometimes We Just Need a Good Cry
susan miller Sometimes I get really sick of talking about cancer. I get sick of hearing my own voice, of talking about wigs and boobs, of posting photos of my chemo-hair updates with the inflated enthusiasm of an elf on crack. At times, I want to pretend that it all never happened. To never speak the word cancer again. To never write a single syllable or utter a single breath on the topic. Sometimes, my overzealous optimism becomes too full and embellished; it collapses beneath the burden of its own weight. It’s a difficult job to always be a cheerleader. Sometimes I just want to talk about cat memes and tacos. Like, what’s cancer? When a person asks about my cancer experiences, it can be an out-of-body experience. I am standing right next to this human who looks like me, watching her talk. “Chemo didn’t even make me sick. Me and my friends went out to a beach bar and drank vodka martinis a few days after my second chemo!” Remember that show VH1 Pop Up Videos? A white conversation bubble pops on the screen. “True Story: She had one drink, 8 days after chemo and had to leave the bar because she was nauseous and had unbearable heartburn! LOL.” That info nugget indicts me of my white lies. Of my cancer propaganda that narrates an altered story. I will never outwardly admit that things weren’t all rainbows and puppies. It’s the big sister in me who is being intrinsically protective. I’m hiding the callous truths from my friends and family who may get cancer at some point in
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One comment

  1. Della J. Evans says:

    I understand. I felt pretty much the same way. I blogged mine also as I went and am glad your journey is going the way it should. For me..it was like falling off a curb and trying to get righted again…..not an easy task but is doable. Cancer is NOT who we are….Its something that happens. I hate the color pink….a don’t wear a ribbon….people KNOW its there….I hope they crack the code soon in my lifetime. The Chemo fog is a tough one. It been awhile…but still gives me problems. You are doing good……keep up the chatter…..People need to know what will happen next.

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