People do not realize that once you’ve beaten cancer, the journey isn’t over. For some breast cancer survivors, we have to continue taking meds to keep the cancer away, and these meds have lasting side effects. I was prescribed tamoxifen three years ago, and the side effects were horrendous: bone pain, sore joints, irritability, mood swings, weight gain, insomnia … did I mention weight gain? Yes, it sucks! One more side effect that affects many: loss of libido. This is one is particularly harsh, especially if you trying to get back in the dating game. I truly have a love/hate relationship with tamoxifen. Well, I finally divorced tamoxifen. The relationship ran its course. Even though I did cheat on it with another drug for three weeks in December 2015, of which I wasn’t proud — but I asked for forgiveness. I returned to tamoxifen, all was forgiven. Now, the time I was on the other drug, called anastrozole, was the worst time in my life. Why? Well, I became very suicidal and thought of ways of killing myself every night for three weeks. But I knew it wasn’t me that was talking; it was the drug. It was really messing me up inside. I was at the lowest point in my life. And yes, I did have a gun in the house and thought about using it. I knew something was wrong because I am not a depressed type of guy. I love life and wouldn’t do it, but that drug was evil. Finally, I heard a voice in my head tell me to stop taking it. I threw away the pills and made an appointment with my doctor, to tell him what had happened. He totally agreed with me. Crawling back to tamoxifen I crawled back to tamoxifen. I was OK being back on it, but still didn’t like it. But at least some side effects subsided. No more insomnia, no more bone pain or muscle pain.